And now it's time for Church Chat . . .

Hello, I’m the Church Lady and this is ‘Church Chat’. Recently we had our meeting with the Sheriff Department to address the suspicious activity we have been having in our liiiiiiiittle community.

I was just waiting for some lunatic to start rantin’ and ravin’ like mad causing a ruckus making the Sheriff whip out a Taser and shock the idiot a good one. Since the Sheriff is used to dealing with nuts cases he could calm any offending person down toot sweet so we could continue on with our meeting. Alas, we had no “entertainment” and the meeting was conducted with utmost decorum.

Let me just say the meeting was very informative and I know everyone learned a great deal. It is amazing what we as neighbors can do to keep the crime out of our neighborhood. All I can say is look out thugs! We are educated and ready to rumble!

Now we are all armed with knowledge of how to be more safe and secure at home and within our liiiiiiiittle community. We plan on being more diligent in noticing suspicious activity and notifying the Sheriff with any information so they can help stop crime. We also plan to start a Neighborhood Watch Program to keep these hoodlums at bay and get our neighborhood back. I am looking forward to the weeks ahead as we forge together to make our neighborhood safe and secure.


(Church Lady does her “Superior Dance” as she struts to organ music.)

And now it's time for Church Chat . . .

Hello, I’m the Church Lady and this is ‘Church Chat’. As you know I had Hubby install motion detector spotlights that will turn on automatically when something or someone moves within the vicinity of the exterior of our home. Well, I didn’t know that my back yard was the place for all sorts of critters from far and wide to congregate. This information was not available to me prior to installing the motion detector spotlights and those stupid things turn on and usually stay on all night due to the influx of nocturnal animals that like to have a free for all in my back yard. On one auspicious night we had 3 deer, a possium, a raccoon, a fox, and even some rabbits up the ying yang. Who told these animals to come in my back yard and make the motion detector spot lights come on? Now, who could it be? Could it be ... SATAN? (haunting echo)

Well, let’s look at this more closely, shall we? Hmmmmmmmm? The motion detector spot lights were installed for one reason only. They are to flood the exterior of my home with light at the slightest detection of movement that will send a clear message to would-be-thieves that this house is protected. It is not for critters to make the spot lights go on and then I think there is a thug traipsing around in my back yard trying to break into my house. Since Hubby is traveling all the time this light show in my back yard constantly wakes me up in such a fright that it takes one heck of a long time for me to calm down and go back to sleep. Well, isn't that special?




I can just hear Hubby snickering when I tell him about this. I know he will think this is a hoot. Well, when he comes back from travel and those darn spot lights come on, I’ll make him go to the window and see what’s going on. I bet he’ll get tired of it real quick after he is woken up a few times by these pesky animals.

(Church Lady does her “Superior Dance” as she struts to organ music.)

And now it's time for Church Chat . . .

Hello, I’m the Church Lady and this is ‘Church Chat’. Guess who came to my house today? The Sheriff. Well, isn’t this a news flash? I bet all my neighbors are wondering what I or someone in my family did to have the Sheriff come to our door. Where do people get these wacky ideas? Where, oh where, oh where? Now, who could it be? Could it be ... SATAN? (haunting echo)

We have had more incidents of suspicious activity in our community so Hubby contacted the big man himself. Anyhooooooo, since hubby is always on travel with work, the Sheriff came to talk with me. Yes, indeedy! He came in a plain wrapper (undercover car) and wore his Sheriff uniform with all the trimmings (gun, radio, and whatnot). He was very concerned about what was going on in our subdivision and wants to stop it before it escalates. He told me to contact the Patrol Commander to set up a meeting for all the residents in our neighborhood. I therefore contacted him and we have set up a date and time to have the meeting which will consist of: Trends in Crime, Suggestions & Tips, Questions & Answers, etc.

I have made flyers and sent out emails to let everyone know about it. This should be a very exciting and informative meeting that I hope everyone will enjoy.

The Sheriff also told me about this liiiiiiiittle website that is a must for everyone to visit. CrimeReports.com is the most comprehensive crime mapping website in the world where you can access official crime rate in your neighborhood and sign up for free email alerts. I can just see me spending hours on this site finding out what is going on in my neighborhood and all over the world.

I am really looking forward to this meeting with the Sheriff Department. I just hope this doesn’t entice the hoodlums to have a free-for-all in our community while we are at the meeting. I better hide the liquor and my butter rum lifesavers just to be on the safe side.

And now it's time for Church Chat . . .

Hello, I’m the Church Lady and this is ‘Church Chat’. As you know we are having “problems” within our liiiiiiiittle community with various car break-ins and hoodlums traipsing through our neighborhood trying to find an unlocked door in someone’s unsuspecting home. Just the other night one homeowner came home at 10 PM and saw two thugs in the bed of his neighbor’s truck trying to break in it. The Good Samaritan’s headlights caught the ruffians in the act and they scampered away like roaches do when you turn on the lights without incidence. So we didn’t get caught stealing, how conveeeenient! Well, I'm gonna have to say a little prayer against them for that one, okay? (Whispers her prayer.) Well, I hope someone's beginning to feel a prickly sensation in their backside. 

I know what you are thinking, this could happen anywhere, but this kind of behavior is not the norm for our neighborhood. No, indeedy. I keep thinking of the little girl down the street who was watching the new Muffets DVD on TV one night in her family room. Her parents were upstairs (Lord, only knows what they were doing) and some fiend turned the doorknob on the door right beside her that goes outside. You can imagine how scared this tike was! I bet to this day Kermit the Frog gives her nightmares.

Anyhooooooo, I have been pestering hubby to install motion detector spotlights in the back yard. We presently have motion detector carriage lights in the front of the house on either side of the garage plus Malibu Lights all up the front walk which are so bright that it looks like an airport runway. I think motion detector spotlights in the back yard will add extra safety and security and make me feel a whole lot better. These will turn on automatically when something or someone moves within the vicinity of the exterior of my home. This means if an intruder is nearby, their movement will likely prompt a security light to turn on, which leaves the intruder exposed. GOTCHA!!!!

Hubby of course was not “keen” on the idea. I don’t know why he is so against them. They can’t be that hard to install. He thinks they will help the burglars see what they are doing while breaking into our home. To this I say “BITE ME!” Security lights are very cost effective and a great addition to any home security system. They flood the exterior of your home with light at the slightest detection of movement and will send a clear message to would-be-thieves that this house is protected. Yes, siree!

Well, Hubby got tired of my persistent nagging and finally installed the motion detector spotlights. It says on the box that it will only take a few minutes to install, but of course hubby took allllllllllllll afternoon and then some making us have supper late. He fiddled with them for hours during the night turning them on and off, on and off until 11:30 PM. It was like a disco light show and I bet the neighbors thought we were having one grand time over here.

Now, how can I persuade Hubby to get us a home security system? I can just hear his objections, but I don’t care. I think we need one ASAP! I sometimes think that Hubby doesn’t want to hear anyone else’s opinion, but his own. (Puts hands over her ears.) Well, Hubby, I can’t hear youuuuuuuuuu!. Alrighty, I think I feel better now.

Alrighty, then. We can handle this. I found some online that I can buy and install myself while he is away at work. Well, isn't that special?


(Church Lady does her “Superior Dance” as she struts to organ music.)