And now it's time for Church Chat . . .

Hello, I’m the Church Lady and this is ‘Church Chat’. Just the other day I was doing my power walk and minding my own business when I spotted this HUGE dog in my neighbor’s yard. This dog is known to be quite aggressive and is half German Shepherd and wolf. Yes, you read that right, wolf. Well, as you can imagine, I kept my distance and walked in the middle of the street making sure I didn’t provoke that demonic dog. Then it saw me and charged, barking like there was no tomorrow. Well, I said a little prayer so I would not do something in my pants and die in total disgrace. I then asked God to find it in his heart to release me from my awful situation. The Lord must have been listening because that dog was leashed and tied to something. What it was tied to, I have no idea, but it held and he reared up going absolutely berserk, right at the edge of the property, wanting to tear me into shreds. I of course screamed my bloody head off and the owner of the dog didn’t say a word. What an $#@&%!

Well, isn't that special? So as soon as I could get myself together, I went to my local Super Wal-Mart to the sporting goods section. Before I could even ask for help, the sales person asked me if I wanted pepper spray. I guess I still had that terrified look plastered on my face. Anyhoooooo, he said they have at least 3 people a day asking for pepper spray, but they didn’t carry it. I therefore hit the nearest red neck gun store and shopped for the best pepper spray available for dogs.

Sabre Red is one of the leading brands that manufacture pepper spray products. This particular model (Sabre Red Protector Dog Pepper Spray) is specifically designed for use on all types of aggressive dogs yet is a humane deterrent that only induces temporary pain.

The Sabre Red dog attack deterrent carries a rating of 1 % major capsaicinoids which is the maximum strength approved by the Enviromental Protection Agency (EPA). It sprays up to 15 feet and delivers approximately 8, 1-second bursts. At the suggested 15 foot maximum the spray is between two and three feet wide (shotgun effect) and very potent indeed. The stream delivery pattern means there is low risk of wind blow-back. Added features include an integrated safety lock to prevent accidental discharge and a belt clip so you can carry it with you while jogging or going for a walk. Sabre Red is reliable and is the #1 brand trusted by police worldwide. Pleased with the stats of the product, I bought one so I could walk confidently knowing I've done as much as I could to protect myself in an effective but humane way.

I can’t wait to stop that demonic dog with my pepper spray! Yes, indeedy! I also got a Taser at that red neck gun store to use on that $#@&% dog owner too!


(Church Lady does her “Superior Dance” as she struts to organ music.)